A night at youth group...

Beginning. How can one word implies so much? Its a word full of anticipation, full of suspense, full of excitement, full of mystery. The word beginning automatically pricks the ear…what is it a beginning to? A story, a song, a poem, a dream, a life, to a day, to a year, to a breath. Every second has the potential to be the beginning of something new as well as the end of something old. With the passing of each moment is the power of potential. So with the pronunciation of the year of new beginnings what is being unlocked and released in my story? What in my life still needs to begin? What chapter needs to start and which chapter needs to end? When I look back on my life where will my “Once upon a time” start? What do I want to be remembered? What is my story look like this year?

Once upon a time there was a girl who did not know the power of her dreams. She did not know why she was created or why she walked every day from one route to another route, knowing it was for a purpose just always wondering what that purpose might be. And that girl was me. I was like a coke bottle, shaken and shaken and shaken…waiting to be released, knowing I was meant for more than just to be in the bottle but fear of the unknown caged me inside this bottle. I did not know that I was created for more, I was created to affect lives, I was created to spread and touch everything around me. I did not know that I could change the atmosphere around me. I made a vow, made a commitment one day that nothing would hold me back anymore. Lids that I put on Myslef and lids that other people put on me would no longer be able to cage me in and hold me back. I was called to live outside the box…to live outside the bottle. I was called to burn the box and perhaps help other people burn their boxes as well. I was called to be released. And so in the year of new beginnings I am letting myself believe that it is possible. I am letting myself believe in the power of my dreams. I believe that out of intimacy with my daddy, and always beginning each moment knowing that it belongs to Him, I will be released into a greater freedom in my life. I believe that the dreams that He has given me are from Him and He desires to help me fulfill them. I believe I believe that I could paint a picture that could change the world. I believe that as I walk in obedience to His voice, each chapter in my life, each beginning, including this one will be better and more exciting than the one before it.

So what did the year of New Beginnings bring for that girl? Well, the lid of that coke bottle came off. And the fluid inside that was shaken was released and the whole world saw what becomes of someone who lets themselves be stirred up for the things of Christ and then also lets themselves be released! It is uncontrollable and the impact undeniable.

All growed up....

I remember when a good Saturday morning entailed nothing more than waking up, grabbing a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, curling up on the couch and watching a rousing half hour of power rangers, followed by Rugrats, then Doug, then Hey Arnold, then Catdog, and my PBS favorite Arthur. It was in those times I was convinced Heaven invaded earth through a tv screen. Nothing could ever get better then me, my tv, my cereal and my couch. That was until the chore bell rang. And when the first words out of my mothers mouth was "Who didn't clean their room?" I suddenly knew that Heaven had came and slipped so easily through my fingertips with the turning on and off of a little button that my parents controlled. And it was then that reality set in for a little 10 year old girl. There were bigger things to be dealt with then what to watch during commercial break. There were things like cleaning your room, feeding the dog, finishing homework and maintaining peace amongst my age group of kids in the neighborhood. It was a large world when I was just 10 and the beauty of it all was that I still believed that I could do something to change it.

Now Saturdays are a little more complicated. 10 short years later and I find myself all "growed up". Now on Saturday mornings I worry about waking up early, not for cartoons but for a 600am shift at work. I no longer have Cap'n Crunch, just four shots of coffee to get me going. I do chores still but cleaning my room is at the bottom of a very long list. I still do home work, but college is a little harder than lifepacs. And the one relief is I don't have to worry about neighborhood peace anymore as all my little buddies moved away, now I just have to worry about peace in everyones lives, all around me, everyday. And tomorrow, well tomorrow one of my best friends gets married. Only ten short years ago we were afraid of boys...running away screaming "Cooties, Cooties!!!" And now we are running towards them singing "Cuties, Cuties!" Well Elise is getting married and I am officially feeling like my cartoon watching days are over. Its a sad day when you realize those are gone. I may, in my stubborness, try to hold on to them until I get married and absolutely HAVE to lay them down...we will see. :) But when you see a chidhood friend, a best friend, marry another guy, well it just makes me realize that times goes fast. Seasons in our life go really fast. Friendships come and go and change. People are added, people are taken away. Desires and dreams change. Responsibilities change. But even with all of that...life just gets better. I think I am happier now than when I was 10. I was definitely innocent back then but now I am just happy to be living this life. I am happy to be surrounded with all the people I am surrounded with. I am happy for my friends..and those few who have been with me through it all and those few who I know who will be with me forever. I am grateful for all the experiences. I am grateful for what is yet to come. I am only twenty. Two decades old. I have got a long ways left to go. I have a family of my own to begin one day, a dream to fulfill and hundreds of lives to breathe Gods breath into. I know one thing for sure...I am more excited about life nowthen I was when I was ten. I have a great anticipation and expectation for the rest of the journey. And you know what? I still believe I can do something to change this world.

Thoughts...

Earlier today I was reading this silly "hope quotes" in the grocery store [just don't ask]. I was just reading it for pleasure but one quote stuck out to me and I haven't been able to shake it since. I dont remember the exact wording but the idea behind was that if I was the only one on earth, if God had created just me, then He wouldn't have minimized the beauty of Creation- He loves me so much that if I was the only one, it still would have been worth it for Him to create this earth. It still would have been worth it for Him to send His son to die on the cross. And my mind cannot fathom that!! I can't understand that kind of love...but I like it. Last year we listened to a prophetic word discussing the love of God and why He does what He does, and all the guy kept saying over and over again was:

"Because He loves you, because He Loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, because He loves you, BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU!"

And then we sing songs like "Oh how He loves us" all about Heaven meeting earth like a sloppy wet kiss. Well its my thought that before all of heaven invades all of earth, then all of Him must invade invade all of me. So I guess I should be asking Him to give me a sloppy wet kiss. I want to get wet in His love!! I want to dance in it. Most of all I want to believe it. I think when we truly recognize how much we are loved and how much authority we have because we are sons and daughters then we will truly be unstoppable. Because who is gonna try to stop someone who doesn't care to lose because they have already lost it all for Him. I LOVE YOU DAD I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!

Power of Gifts...

I have had this thing with wings for the past couple weeks. Just a fascination with what they mean. As I was painting this picture and the Lord told me what I was painting He kept on saying, "I have given you wings...please use them to fly!" It just made me think about all the gifts he has given us...and He has given everybody something. But we can use those gifts for His Kingdom or we can use them for ourselves. If someone has been given wings with the sole purpose to fly, then never stepping off of a cliff and flying is a sin. I want to make sure that the gifts God has given me I am not only using them but I am using them for the very thing that He intended. And that makes this my dream: to paint a picture that could change the world. And so with every stroke and every line, with every color and sketch, I hope to attain a smile from my Daddy!

Daddy, do you like what I create?

Sometimes I find myself wondering where I am going and what I am doing and if anything is making a difference. And it's in those places where I can chose insecurity or I can chose to remember... I can chose to remember who created me. I can chose to remember who built a dream for me. I can chose to remember who loves me unconditionaly. I can chose to remember Him...my Daddy. Its in those times when I ask "Daddy, do you like what I create?" And then I feel him smile and laugh, and say "Of course dear!" When the Bible says "God sits in the Heavens and laughs" I am pretty sure He is laughing at me. He is laughing at me becuase I forget so many times that He has created me for Himself. He laughs at me becuase I was created for His joy. He laughs because I run into poles and I say things that tend to not make sense sometimes. He laughs because I like the words "lollypop' and "cupcake". He laughs at me becuase I would eat Red Robins fries and a Rookie Magic Monster Milkshake all day long. He laughs because I paint with my fingers and I get funny twitches during worship [I think He did that on purpose]. He laughs because He is my Daddy and He enjoys me...just like He enjoys you. And that make sme happy. And that makes it my goal to "Love the Lord and enjoy Him forever!"

I am so overwhelmed...

I am in a place right now where I am so completely overwhelmed with the goodness of God. There are so many things I want to say, that I want the whole world to know about Him but I don't feel like there are enough words in our language to articulate accurately the goodness and awesomeness of who He is.

This last week He has blessed me with the incredible opportunity of being at the Prophetic and Arts Conference down in Redding CA. I had been wanting to go to this conference for several months now but it a lot of circumstances came up and about ten days ago I was convinced that going to the conference was out of the question. I didn't think I could afford it and well, it was sold out. That definitely would put a damper on things. But last Friday my parents told me that they felt like it was the Lord for me to still go, and so, not knowing if I would get in or not, I went to Redding California.

I was going to meet Kaleb and Jerbarco down there because they too were attending the conference. The first night [a wednesday], Barco hadn't flown in yet and so I go to take his spot. Brian and Jenn Johnson led worship and Kris Vollaton spoke. I could spend a whole blog just talking about what he spoke on because the words he spoke changed my life. In brief He spoke about living from eternity and how we have an obligation to our forefathers [dating all the way back to the old testament] to fulfill a destiny that they prophesied but to also prophecy and call into existence the destinies of generations to come. And that was just one point....

That night we talked to the head usher, who we knew from Firestorm, and he said that there was absolutely no chance of me getting in the next day. There as nothing they could do for me. At this point I began wondering why the Lord sent me down there. I knew there was a reason I just could not, for the life of me, figure out why He needed me to spend all the money, and the time to go to California just to "hang out." But thats what I did. I slept in on Thursday, Amanda Cradduck picked me up, we went to coffee and then back to her house to play old school nintendo. It was fun but I definitely was still waiting for the reason I was down there.

That night, through different circumstances that came up, God came through and I ended up getting a badge. I was SO excited. I would get to see Akiane, the child prodigy. So we got in and Kim Walker led worship [which is always amazing] and we got to listen to Akiane, who is thirteen years old and on fire for the Lord, talk about her painting and her poetry. Below is one of my favorite paintings of hers...So that night Akiane ended and I wondered what they were going to do next. It seemed random to me, almost out of place, but Pastor Kevin Dedmond got up and announced that they were going to do some healing ministry. So he had all his team come up and pretty much every attendee in the conference flooded the altar for prayer. Jerbarco, Kaleb and I just stood in the back because none of us needed healing. But it then we remembered Kortney Grace who had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Surely if this was an annointed time for healing, then why not? So I called her and asked her if we could bring her to the front for prayer. As I was talking to her Pastor Kevin Dedmond said that he felt there as a special annointing for people to be healed of cancer, and if someone in the room had cancer to go to the stage. So I grabbed on to Jerbarco, still on the phone with Kort, and he plowed through the mosh pit of people and we finally ended up at the stage. One of the head guys form the shcool of the supernatural came over and prayed for Kort. We all listened, eagerly anticipating what was going on on the other side of the phone. After a few short prayers Kortney Grace was completely healed of breast cancer!!! Praise God...I have never been so excited about anything in my life!!! God was just oozing goodness that night.

The next day was the last day and I had to leave that afternoon. So we got up to go listen to John Paul Jackson speak. He spoke on our gifts and how we all have gifts, and the gifts will work- they will work for the Kingdom or they will work for the world. But if they are used for the world eventually a perrson will be bound to those gifts and controlled by the limitations of the gift. BUt if a person uses their gift for the Kingdom, then there is no boundaries and there is limitless freedom to go anywhere and do anything with the gift.

It was an amazing conference. I have so many stories to tell, but time and space does not allot for so many accounts. If you want to know more details please just ask me. I am so full of faith for the move of creativity that we are going to see erupt. Watch out for it- its going to be huge. Pray against contentment. My prayer is taht I am always striving and always fighting for more of Him, more of His Kingdom in my life and more of my heart surrendered to Him! I feel inspired because I am beginning to believe that my Daddy likes what I create!!